Unborn
by Michelle Clover
Summary: Angst ridden present for the Santa exchange. Emily and Anders' happiness over the anticipation of the birth of their child is suddenly taken from them. Based on characters from the longer fic, Embracing Destiny. Fic rated M for disturbing content.


**A/N- As always, Bioware owns all.**

Emily had just arrived home from visiting Merrill in the alienage. She wanted so badly to tell her friend the news she had been keeping secret over the past five weeks. Ever since she found out she had been bursting to tell everyone she knew, but she and Anders agreed to keep it to themselves until after the first trimester had passed. They were going to have a baby. She could scarcely believe it herself.

One thing Emily knew for certain was that she became tired a lot more easily these days. The walk from Lowtown to Hightown had been long enough that she just wanted to get a glass of water and fall asleep on the sofa in front of the fireplace. She didn't even have the strength to make it all the way up the stairs to her bed. Bodahn wasn't anywhere to be found at that moment, so Emily wearily made her way into the kitchen, found a glass from the cupboard and picked up the ewer from the countertop.

Just as she began to pour the water, a sharp pain in the center of her lower abdomen overtook Emily causing her to drop both the glass and the pitcher, leaving them to shatter into hundreds of pieces across the marble tile floor. She winced in agony as she grabbed hold of the countertop to keep from dropping to her knees. She had been having some mild cramping on and off during her journey from Merrill's, but hadn't thought anything of it until that moment.

When the pain subsided, her mind began racing and bile crept up her throat. _Calm down, Emily. It was probably just some kind of stitch from walking too fast, _she told herself. She took a deep breath before walking back into the sitting room where she finally found Bodahn.

"Good afternoon, mistress" he greeted with his usual grin. "I thought you might be tired after your journey, so I took the liberty of drawing you a warm bath."

Emily sighed with a smile. "That is perfect, Bodahn. Thank you."

_Yes, a nice long bath is just what I need to relax my sore muscles_, she told herself as she hurried toward the washroom. Before she stepped into the tub, another wave of pain hit her and it was all she could do to remain standing. Emily tried to tell herself it was nothing as she slipped into the warm water.

She hadn't even been in the tub for ten minutes before she was doubled over again. When it subsided, she got out, dried herself and threw on her underthings and bathrobe. _Maybe I just need to lie down for a bit, _she reasoned to herself as she made her way to the sofa. She laid down, but within moments she was curled into a tight ball as another wave hit her. Emily sat up, trying to figure out what to do next, when she noticed a small spot of blood on the fabric next to her thigh. Her breathing became labored and she prayed to the Maker as she slid her fingers across her smalls. When she brought her trembling hand to her face, her entire body began to shake as she observed crimson coloring her skin.

Panic welled up inside Emily and she shut her lids tight to keep from crying over the realization of what was happening. At first, in her state of utter confusion, she wasn't sure what to do. Then it came to her quite suddenly. Anders, of course. She had to get to Anders. He would be able to fix everything.

Emily didn't even bother changing into actual clothes as she hurried toward the basement stairs in the storage room off the kitchen. She had to stop several times as she made her way through the cellar. The pains were coming closer together and by the time she stepped out of the door into Darktown, streaks of red were staining her legs and bare feet.

Anders was sitting behind his desk writing in one of his many journals when Emily came bursting through the door. He flashed a befuddled grin at her sudden appearance. He wasn't expecting her to visit him at the clinic, but he was always glad to see her. When he noticed her wild-eyed expression of panic and worry, his smile dropped. He had seen that look on the faces of too many women who passed in and out of his door not to recognize it. His eyes moved to her bare legs and he gasped.

Without even waiting for her to come any closer, Anders ran to his love and scooped her up into his arms. After laying her down gently on the nearest table, he immediately began to call forth his magic. It was all he could do to keep his concentration. This was his family, his unborn child. After what seemed like an eternity, he felt Emily's hand grip his arm. He already knew. It was too late.

"Anders," she whispered. Still he continued probing, searching with his magic for any sign of the tiny life. "Anders, love…it's over."

With those words, the upper half of his body collapsed atop hers in tears. Emily had always said that he was the best healer she had ever known, but how could that be true when he couldn't even save his own child. If he had only been there. If had not been keeping such long hours at the clinic, maybe he could have healed her.

He had been so fixated on providing for his family so Emily wouldn't have to carry the entire burden herself that he had just lost the one thing in the world he wanted most. Then again, maybe there hadn't been a way to stop it. Maybe it was inevitable. Perhaps it was the taint within his body or perhaps it was simply his punishment for being an abomination. Either way, Anders knew without a doubt that it was his own fault. How would he ever make this up to Emily?

Anders felt Emily's gentle hands stroking the top of his head. "I'm sorry, my love…I am so very sorry."

The blonde mage lifted his head and body so he could stare into her green eyes. They had gone cold, the way they always did when she tried to separate herself from her emotions. It was the same look he had observed when her mother died. Anyone who didn't know her would have assumed that she was an unfeeling, uncaring bitch and what had just taken place didn't matter to her in the least, but Anders knew better. He knew that she was crumbling within, but she wouldn't allow herself to lose control. Maker he wish he knew how she managed it.

He placed a gentle kiss upon her brow. "You have nothing to be sorry for, Em."

Anders only wished that he had been a better partner, a better father to their unborn daughter. Yes, he knew what the sex of the baby would have been. He had felt it the day he discovered she was pregnant, but it was something he would always keep to himself because he knew that Emily had wanted a daughter. Telling her would just make things worse.

Emily told him she could walk home, but Anders would hear none of it. He carried her the whole way from his clinic, through the cellar of their home, up the stairs and to the bed that they shared. After he laid her down and helped her undress, he pulled a sleeping draft from his coat and told her that he wanted her to drink it. He half expected her to argue, but she didn't. She merely threw it back and collapsed onto her pillow, staring out into nothingness, her normally brilliant emerald eyes, dull and lifeless until sleep overtook her.

Once he was sure she was sound asleep, Anders washed the blood from Emily's body and covered her with a fresh quilt before quietly leaving the room and breaking down once again in the hallway outside. He wept for the loss of the daughter he would never meet. He wept for the fact that Emily lost yet another person in her life. But most of all, he wept for the fact that he would never be the man that she needed.


End file.
